Cheap Wine in Pamplona and Space Cakes in Amsterdam

I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you but time makes
you bolder, children get older…I’m getting older too.

The Dixie Chicks are the soundtrack to my life.

My best friend, once a love-cynic has fallen in love.
Another best friend did a Bourne-style merge.
One best friend made me cry by saying nice things about me.
I have built my life around these people…..

But I’m leaving in 26 days.

To watch bulls chase men, eat space cakes in Amsterdam, serve beers to englishmen, learn a bit of french, maybe fall in love under the eiffel tower….

I am leaving to go on an adventure.

I have a two year working visa and it seems like just going for six months is a waste, but I’m not sure if I can stand a life where I don’t have the people I have built my life around.
Like my parents, I need to get away from them.They created me, but they don’t own me…and my mum doesn’t understand that. Her tight regime is killing me and our relationship.
So either way January next year…I shall be making a new home.

I suppose that’s exciting.

One last thing - Sarah Jessica Parker needs to learn that wearing heels in the desert is NOT ON!!

“It’s okay. It’s okay to want someone you can’t have. It’s okay to want something more. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, and it’s okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not, it’s always going to be okay. That’s just how it works. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, and most of the time, it seems like they never will. But eventually, everything is going to iron out some way or another. You just have to believe, keep your faith, and move on.”

Do you remember the moment that annoying kid at school told you santa wasn't real or maybe the moment you realised your parents didn't love each other anymore or when JK Rowling killed Sirius..then Dumbledore...Hedwig..and Dobby?

Now this doesn't apply to the Harry Potter comments (I am just still devastated that she could kill all those people) but to the other things you knew all along, but just didn't want to say them out loud because until you say it out loud it's not real, you can ignore it..let your imagination run WILD.

It happened to me again tonight. A boy (SHOCK!!) text me telling me he only ever wanted to sleep with me. (as in there was no one else he would rather screw...not I was only dating you for sex) I was instantly complimented...I felt all fuzzy inside!
Awww what a nice thing to say, I thought...Obviously he loves me and wants to marry me.

HOLD UP!!! The small-percentage-of-my-brain-that-still-has-a-few-brain-cells-remaining, said. Did he or did he not sleep with two other girls during your.....affair. (it wasn't a relationship...oh and this isn't christian freak) Thank you smart part of brain for reminding me of what this bastard did to me!!

So with swear words and insults swirling around my head, I called J...(once again smart brain kicked in telling me not to go crazy...over reaction could be on the cards) and she dished out her wicked words and we shut him down.

Mission accomplished.

Is it bad that a part of me is currently wishing I took the compliment and wishing that we were sexting each other....Probably, says the small-percentage-of-my-brain-that-has-a-few-brain-cells.

I am a girl

I am a girl that still remembers the night when you said goodnight and kissed me, pulled me over to a chair, kissed me some more and picked me up and laid me down, so gently. I am the girl that has never felt more secure or loved than at that moment.

I am a girl that over analyses every single thing that you say to me, I am a girl that reads far too much into your text messages, I am a girl that remembers every single time you touched me, I am a girl that loves it when you called me muppet and sexy legs, I am the girl that knows you don't love me but can't help but hope, I am a girl that knows I am only hurting myself.

Plain and simple: I am a girl.
All girls do this. Why? We know he doesn't love us, but we keep on pushing our thoughts, convincing ourselves that when he said "Goodnight sexy legs", what he really mean was "Goodnight, I love you, I think you're beautiful, I want to marry you, I would drop everything for you, I am nothing with out you!!"

I KNOW ALL OF THIS!! BUT I CONTINUE TO LIE TO MYSELF!!

...but I can't help it because when you find that ever illusive LOVE - it's amazing, spectacular, you feel on top of the world and think that SOMEHOW there aren't enough love songs or a word adequate enough to describe love.

So keep on loving like you've never been hurt, because as many times as I've fallen, all the stitches that still haven't been healed...it was worth it. When he told me he loved me - my heart exploded.

love really does lift us up where we belong.

FUN IS NOT OVER RATED

Hey boys and girls!

I have booked and paid for my flights to LONDON TOWN!! Ya ya ya ya ya!!
Faaah-reaking out about the money sitch. But as someone pointed out to me today - noodles and water. I could live on that shit :)

So what's been going on?
Well I'm working every day this week except thursday. And my goals for this week are to send off my visa application andd chat with bruce and meet ben again and not wrecklessly spend the moolah! We'll see how it goes.

So the weekend just past was ANZAC weekend and my lovely friend Annie's birthday.
I suprised Annie with a friend of hers on friday (this involved waking up ridonkulously early friday morning and picking her up from the airport) there was lots of smiles and screaming when the suprise turned up to Annie's house. Worked friday night, saturday morning, had Annie's party saturday night. Which my beautiful friends Amy & Jackie braved! The party was hectic. We had drug dealers next door, lost girls, chickens on heads, gap years everywhere, a girl wore the same dress as me (I told anyone that would listen..or stand relatively near me to punch her in the head if they saw her), girls spilling jungle juice all over the kitchen floor, more gappies and finally SLEEP!! Sunday was ANZAC day...basically an excuse for everyone, particuarly the service men and women of australia, to get wasted. I spent it with my gappies and had a ball. Hooked up with three guys. One was caaaaa-yute!! Another is just plain vague and the third....was a freakishly tall stalker who kept lifting my dress up. Obviously as the night wore on my choices were swayed by alcohol. And then I had to work monday morning...two words: HUNG OVER!!



So a riduclous weekend was had by all. And next monday I start my new position at Video Ezy of Manager. Scary. But lots of hours and lots of money - so yay. And I get to boss people around :)

So adios amigos.
Work time for me
:)

Where ever you are is where I will go

So a while ago, whilst going through my phone. I found a saved message, that I hadn't written or recalled receiving. It read:

I love you and you will not ever know how much or who said this

It was written sometime in early '09 and it warms my heart. I have no idea who wrote it, but I like imagining different people. Maybe it's someone I'll never be able to guess. There's a part of me that wants to know who wrote it...but why spoil the fantasy?

Oh.My.Blog.

I need someone to slap me.
I just read through some previous blogs of mine....yuck! Seriously.
I'm going to talk about myself in third person for a while.

She's such a loser, get over the fact that you're not having sex on a weekly (or monthly) basis right now! Seriously, BE HAPPY you're going to Europe in less than 10 weeks, you have friends that are the bom-diggity and you live in a beautiful state. (I won't say city...because well...you know)

Back to first person.
I, Brodie Lewis blogger of Notorious for Nothing, solemnly swear (that I'm up to no good) that I will refrain from painfully blogging about my lack of love/sex life........unless it's something blog worthy.

It's the best I can do!