Cheap Wine in Pamplona and Space Cakes in Amsterdam

I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you but time makes
you bolder, children get older…I’m getting older too.

The Dixie Chicks are the soundtrack to my life.

My best friend, once a love-cynic has fallen in love.
Another best friend did a Bourne-style merge.
One best friend made me cry by saying nice things about me.
I have built my life around these people…..

But I’m leaving in 26 days.

To watch bulls chase men, eat space cakes in Amsterdam, serve beers to englishmen, learn a bit of french, maybe fall in love under the eiffel tower….

I am leaving to go on an adventure.

I have a two year working visa and it seems like just going for six months is a waste, but I’m not sure if I can stand a life where I don’t have the people I have built my life around.
Like my parents, I need to get away from them.They created me, but they don’t own me…and my mum doesn’t understand that. Her tight regime is killing me and our relationship.
So either way January next year…I shall be making a new home.

I suppose that’s exciting.

One last thing - Sarah Jessica Parker needs to learn that wearing heels in the desert is NOT ON!!

“It’s okay. It’s okay to want someone you can’t have. It’s okay to want something more. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, and it’s okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not, it’s always going to be okay. That’s just how it works. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, and most of the time, it seems like they never will. But eventually, everything is going to iron out some way or another. You just have to believe, keep your faith, and move on.”

Do you remember the moment that annoying kid at school told you santa wasn't real or maybe the moment you realised your parents didn't love each other anymore or when JK Rowling killed Sirius..then Dumbledore...Hedwig..and Dobby?

Now this doesn't apply to the Harry Potter comments (I am just still devastated that she could kill all those people) but to the other things you knew all along, but just didn't want to say them out loud because until you say it out loud it's not real, you can ignore it..let your imagination run WILD.

It happened to me again tonight. A boy (SHOCK!!) text me telling me he only ever wanted to sleep with me. (as in there was no one else he would rather screw...not I was only dating you for sex) I was instantly complimented...I felt all fuzzy inside!
Awww what a nice thing to say, I thought...Obviously he loves me and wants to marry me.

HOLD UP!!! The small-percentage-of-my-brain-that-still-has-a-few-brain-cells-remaining, said. Did he or did he not sleep with two other girls during your.....affair. (it wasn't a relationship...oh and this isn't christian freak) Thank you smart part of brain for reminding me of what this bastard did to me!!

So with swear words and insults swirling around my head, I called J...(once again smart brain kicked in telling me not to go crazy...over reaction could be on the cards) and she dished out her wicked words and we shut him down.

Mission accomplished.

Is it bad that a part of me is currently wishing I took the compliment and wishing that we were sexting each other....Probably, says the small-percentage-of-my-brain-that-has-a-few-brain-cells.

I am a girl

I am a girl that still remembers the night when you said goodnight and kissed me, pulled me over to a chair, kissed me some more and picked me up and laid me down, so gently. I am the girl that has never felt more secure or loved than at that moment.

I am a girl that over analyses every single thing that you say to me, I am a girl that reads far too much into your text messages, I am a girl that remembers every single time you touched me, I am a girl that loves it when you called me muppet and sexy legs, I am the girl that knows you don't love me but can't help but hope, I am a girl that knows I am only hurting myself.

Plain and simple: I am a girl.
All girls do this. Why? We know he doesn't love us, but we keep on pushing our thoughts, convincing ourselves that when he said "Goodnight sexy legs", what he really mean was "Goodnight, I love you, I think you're beautiful, I want to marry you, I would drop everything for you, I am nothing with out you!!"

I KNOW ALL OF THIS!! BUT I CONTINUE TO LIE TO MYSELF!!

...but I can't help it because when you find that ever illusive LOVE - it's amazing, spectacular, you feel on top of the world and think that SOMEHOW there aren't enough love songs or a word adequate enough to describe love.

So keep on loving like you've never been hurt, because as many times as I've fallen, all the stitches that still haven't been healed...it was worth it. When he told me he loved me - my heart exploded.

love really does lift us up where we belong.

FUN IS NOT OVER RATED

Hey boys and girls!

I have booked and paid for my flights to LONDON TOWN!! Ya ya ya ya ya!!
Faaah-reaking out about the money sitch. But as someone pointed out to me today - noodles and water. I could live on that shit :)

So what's been going on?
Well I'm working every day this week except thursday. And my goals for this week are to send off my visa application andd chat with bruce and meet ben again and not wrecklessly spend the moolah! We'll see how it goes.

So the weekend just past was ANZAC weekend and my lovely friend Annie's birthday.
I suprised Annie with a friend of hers on friday (this involved waking up ridonkulously early friday morning and picking her up from the airport) there was lots of smiles and screaming when the suprise turned up to Annie's house. Worked friday night, saturday morning, had Annie's party saturday night. Which my beautiful friends Amy & Jackie braved! The party was hectic. We had drug dealers next door, lost girls, chickens on heads, gap years everywhere, a girl wore the same dress as me (I told anyone that would listen..or stand relatively near me to punch her in the head if they saw her), girls spilling jungle juice all over the kitchen floor, more gappies and finally SLEEP!! Sunday was ANZAC day...basically an excuse for everyone, particuarly the service men and women of australia, to get wasted. I spent it with my gappies and had a ball. Hooked up with three guys. One was caaaaa-yute!! Another is just plain vague and the third....was a freakishly tall stalker who kept lifting my dress up. Obviously as the night wore on my choices were swayed by alcohol. And then I had to work monday morning...two words: HUNG OVER!!



So a riduclous weekend was had by all. And next monday I start my new position at Video Ezy of Manager. Scary. But lots of hours and lots of money - so yay. And I get to boss people around :)

So adios amigos.
Work time for me
:)

Where ever you are is where I will go

So a while ago, whilst going through my phone. I found a saved message, that I hadn't written or recalled receiving. It read:

I love you and you will not ever know how much or who said this

It was written sometime in early '09 and it warms my heart. I have no idea who wrote it, but I like imagining different people. Maybe it's someone I'll never be able to guess. There's a part of me that wants to know who wrote it...but why spoil the fantasy?

Oh.My.Blog.

I need someone to slap me.
I just read through some previous blogs of mine....yuck! Seriously.
I'm going to talk about myself in third person for a while.

She's such a loser, get over the fact that you're not having sex on a weekly (or monthly) basis right now! Seriously, BE HAPPY you're going to Europe in less than 10 weeks, you have friends that are the bom-diggity and you live in a beautiful state. (I won't say city...because well...you know)

Back to first person.
I, Brodie Lewis blogger of Notorious for Nothing, solemnly swear (that I'm up to no good) that I will refrain from painfully blogging about my lack of love/sex life........unless it's something blog worthy.

It's the best I can do!

Can I take a ride on your disco stick?

HELLO! (hey joe wanna give it a go?)
today has been a day of pure nothingness.
I blame it on the weather man. However I like days like today. Raining on and off. Cool enough to stay wrapped up in a blanket. Watch movies. Like I said, pure nothingness.
A day I would, if I could, spend with a lover.

I'm so intent on having a lover.
(I love saying the word lover)
It's so good to have someone there. To cuddle, to kiss, to spoon, to laugh with, flirt with, to play hide the sausage haha. Sorry...but seriously. On a day like this what would be better than doing all of those things? On what days is there something better?

Don't read this and think I'm unable to function without a LOVER. I'm far from the girl that has been sexually active since 15 and had a boyfriend since 12 and a half. (it's admirable that my imaginary girl stayed strong till 15!) I've never had a boyfriend. Just been used and abused. It's my fault really. I let it happen but I too have used and abused...

Ugh. And I hate that I'm thinking like this! It's so depressing and needy, everything I dislike. But that's how it is, that's how I feel. Yeah I am able to function without a LOVER, because I have my insanely, infinitely (can't think of another I adjective) friends.

So goodbye, I've had enough of my LOVER ramblings and I'm sure you had enough at hello.

goodbye my LOVER
haha. lover.

Sooner or later in life, the things you love you loose

WARNING: This Blog Is Going To Be Full Of Crazy Words And Silly Phrases That (in your mind) Do Not Relate...But In Mine They Do.



my heart beats for these people like no other.

exceptions: the quack pack and the fam.
I'm not sure what brought this on, maybe chatting with a relucatant J and raaf bratz T and E last night about raafies. Seeing the raafies marching in the ipshit parade today. Maybe ANZAC day next week. Drinking goon with AT? But I miss it dearly. SO much.

I don't know if I miss the RAAF or my gap year in the RAAF? If I joined would I enjoy it?

I experienced a lot of firsts last year. First time a boy told me he loved me. That was big..for me. I now realise he only told me he loved me so that he could make himself feel better about what he was doing. Fucking me..emotionally and physically.
He was...(and as hard to admitt as it is....still is) a cool guy.




I miss lots of stuff about last year. I don't miss the uni-sex showers and toilets. I do miss the many themed parties, late night chat sessions when we were meant to be studying. Marching around an empty raaf base at 11pm at night not being able to understand the comands of a silly sergeant because someone left a door open. Room inspections. Being threatened to have a new arse hole ripped. Mind games. I miss it a heck of a lot. I miss the people.

But I'm glad to be home. I missed the people that got me through the terrors of highschool. I love just being with them.

What lies ahead for me?
hopefully happiness. Love would be good. But I get enough of that from my friends.....(just not THAT type of love)
Who knows maybe I will cross paths with someone and instead of falling alone, we'll fall together and die madly in love!
..here's to wishful thinking.

everything little thing is going to be allright

For me easter was different this year.
My entire family went to our p-ville unit for the Easter long weekend. I worked Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. It was a little bit fmlish. But then after work on sunday picked up Jackie from Teagans and then Amy from Amy's. Got ready for a night out and drove to the city, intending on having a easter sunday sesh at The Fox.
On the way there, we got lost in the big bad city of brisbane. The actual CBD. It was a little bit scary, very stressful but in the end a lot of fun. Almost hit a taxi and avoided a stupid limo who decided to drive out in front of me! Success!!

So we got to the fox...only to find the line was MASSIVE and find out that it wasn't that crash hot inside. So, to REGATTA we went.

FLASH OF GENIUS!! SIZZLERS! We had a mini feast there and then off to the RE for us. Where we danced with tall guys, chased pool balls and just had a chilled time. We drove home singing our lungs out.

Then on monday I went to Jackies house and practised making mocktails. Her daddio is having a massive 60th bash....and I'm "resident mixologist" This title excites me greatly!!

And then off to work monday night. Today is my day off. Yay!
So all in all it was a fantastic long weekend!!

Blog ya'll later :)

do one thing everyday that scares you.

are we free? or have our lives already been planned for us. What seems like free will is subconcious destiny? Or in writing this rubbish...am I fufilling what has already been written? ...maybe the fact that I'm acknowledging that...means it's my own free will? I like to think that I make my own luck, make and break my own rules. This is stupid I don't think we'll ever know..or I'll ever know. Not even when we die.
Which leaves me wondering WHY? I hate the word why. Why don't you love me? Why is the sky blue? Why can't I be free? Why are you white?
(oh my god karen you can't just ask someone why they're white!)
I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I have amazing friends...all over australia. As much as I love them and even though they are infitely special to me and without just one of them my life would be so much different, I still need that one other person. You know the other person. That one who is physically there... wink wink.
I want some lovin'.
No not just loving.

All we want is to love and be loved in return.

last words are for fools who haven't said enough

wow.
start from the beginning.
I can't even remember what day it was...monday?
yes monday.
so monday (say monday again...monday)
I gave blood and got a keychain with my blood type on it (0+ in case you're wondering) that made me feel good, its not much but its a contribution to society that I'm proud of.
I had a few hours to burn so I went and saw Alice in Wonderland...alone. Another thing I'm proud of, that I'm independant. Yeah it's sort of lame to go to the cinemas alone...but frankly my dear I don't give a damn. & then work!
so that was last monday.
so tuesday just passed. I'm not sure if I can write about it yet. That's how spectacular it was!
EDWARD SHARPE AND THE MAGNETIC ZEROS.
The Gig. After, before....amazing. Blog Coming soon.

The beautiful thing about memories is that they are yours, whether they are good, bad, or indifferent. they belong to you, and no matter where life takes you, your memories tie you to where you've been, and to where you are now.

don't bring me down..BRUCE!

SO I've become addicted to How I Met Your Mother, you know its love when you start capitalizing!

next point. my best friends boy friend is a complete jerk wank cunt.(And I never drop the c bomb) Even my mum thinks she should tell him to fuck off (& you can tell her I said that..she said)
so he is a godbotherer. he believes in something that has no proof, similar to love. How can you explain or believe in love..or religion for that matter! But he does...believe in god...apparently not love. So I should explain.
my friend and I have been planning an overseas trip for over a year now...closer to two years. my friend and her boyfriend have been dating for about 18 months...we've been friends for 7 years!! he has told her that if she goes to europe they will break up. she has no choice in this matter. she pretty much chose him over me.
The more I think about it - the angrier I get! Who does he think he is? GRRRR!!!

HOWEVER, hope is not lost. Maybe this is one of those things that will change my life. I'm going to be in the UK for possibly 3 months alone. I'm sure a million other people have done this...but I am different to all of them - this will change me I'm sure of it. This will possibly be one of the most exciting things I have done with my 18 year old life
...and I LOVE IT!!

The future is changing in the largest of ways by the smallest of things

GRRR! Just wrote a massive rant, and poof! It did a dissapearing act. Frustrated.
Basically the point of the rant: You don't know what's waiting around the corner, I have decided to take life by the horns and roll with it. This of course was written with much more pesto..I even had some examples!!
Goodbye.
ps. Maybe this was a test to see if I would roll with it? Hmmm I think I passed.

holding hands and skimming stones

life has been quite swell recently.
apart from the lack of love, work, a car and my uncertain yet exciting future - I am happy.
Got my license WIKKII WOOO! SO I've been speeding around in the silver bullet - my parents car that I am OCCASIONALLY allowed to use.
J, one of the best friends a girl like me could wish for, got an awesome ridgy didg camera for christmas. I've been thoroughly enjoying her snaps - although the candids of me are truly horrifying. Went for a drive with A, another best, & J to Mt Cootha yesterdee night got some cool snaps - trying to be indie...worked for A...sadly not me.
I've come to the conclusion that I am excited about my, undecided and sketchy, future. This week I have been a little bit pro-active in my future. I'm thinkin that Event Management (yes I capitalised the E and the M...) is the GO for me. I had no idea where to start though so I emailed about 15 Event Management companies in Brisneyland and of alllllllll of those.....2 replied. Although the reply rate was low, it's still early days and the advice was good.
So now, not only am I excited about gallivanting around EUROPE with S but now also coming home to start what will hopefully be my successful career!
Valentines day tomorrow. FML. My 18th year of spending Valentines day without a proper, dedicated lovaah! My time will come - eventually *sigh.

Rodger. Out.
Brodie.

SUZIE WORE DRESSES TIGHT!!

this photo makes me smile.

today has been interesting.

went to riverstink - did some birthday shopping for a friend, mother and a boy. Boy's are incredibly hard to buy for (especially when they randomly buy you coco chanel perfume)
anyway ended up with allright gifts..hopefully.
so the real excitement of the day came around on the train ride home. I sat down (next to a complete psycho apparently) and this man boy continued to stare at me for a good 40 minutes. He also asked me where I was going, I said home (didn't want so say which station) he replied Me too. So it was only weird up until he took a photo of me. Then I freaked out, text a friend - who saved me with her wise words. I pretended to get off the train, but changed carriages instead and got off the next station. Phewf. Alive. Safe - freaked out.
ANYWAY enough of my consuming horror stories.
Work work work = Money money money. so it's good - sort of. I'm working at two different Video Ezy stores, and the new store I'm working at has more gay guys than straight (bummer I know, the only single straight guy is 15...) and the girls are pretty cool too.

Very Excited. Got a few boring weeks coming up - but after those lots of exciting ones!! (hopefully)
4th Feb - going for licence, Jack & Amy get back from asia, Jack has her place to herself - party time.
5th Feb - the boy (mentioned above) is coming to visit for the weekend. I'm too excited.
And with my licence - I'll never be bored again....well that's the plan anyway.

peace peace and lots of love.
xx.

I'm a model if ya know what I mean...I do my thang on the catwalk....

(written on 11jan10..in my new pen)

(photo: one I took on the walk to the beach)

Just handed my Learners logbook in and booked my licence test. Beyond excited/nervous.

licence = FREEDOM

(that is if the parents let me use one of their cars, as there is no way that I can go to EUROPE and buy a car)

This morning I woke up with no plans but to partake in my driving lesson and then laze around, at some point exhert my will power and go on the cross trainer.

Ended up jumping on a train and going to Pottsville. (a small northern NSW town that has a beautiful beach and where my parents just bought a unit 100m away from the beach) P-ville as I've renamed it is my new haven.

I plan on reading, swimming, researching Europia trip, swimming some more, listening to the Ipod (named Kevin - after a character from Up!), reading some more and swimming.

So wish me peace on my three days at P-ville.

Love and peeaaace.

b@p-ville.

She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain.

I love UP!

I have had a series of swell days recently.

07.01.10

Started off the morning by spending a solid half hour checking out the elite of Ipswich while waiting for Jackie.

Continued on to Riverlink where we snagged some awesome bargains at cotton on - cool comfy travelling pants and cool casual business shirt - that's not for business...?

Then left the shops to walk to t he train station. We, of course, had to stop at the swings.

We swung our hearts for a good hour, we dared the clouds - or whatever controls them - to stop us mid swing. WE dared the universe to stop us.

The universe is chicken.

We spoke about popularity, boys, sex, people, life - it was a good day. There should be more days like this one.

On another note:

NY resolutions/TO DO LIST. Going well.

SO far every day this week gone on the cross trainer. Yay for will power and exercise.

Travelling plans coming along - the plan..there isn't one, and it excites me to no end.

love peace & love

brodie

x

Ain't nothin gonna break my stride - I gotta keep on moving.

first photo: B&J nye.

second photo: last night of Gap Year setting road blocks up around a RAAF base. Girls vs Boys.

Ahhh. Happy New Years, Merry Christmas...all that jazz.

Back home - since Dec 12 09. So it's been a while, since I've "blogged" and since I've been home.It's been good, really good. I feel content and as much as I miss my gappies - I've been having a lot of fun.

To do List:

(not New Years resolutions, they're never stuck to)

• Get Exercised (preferably before Feb)
• Get my licence
• Stay Happy
• Discover my inner will power AND USE IT!
• Save MOOLAH!
• Travel the shit out of Europe

So in order to get this thing I call my blog - I have to delve into the past and write stuff - so that future posts make sense.

2009 - ADFGY-AF
I spent a year in the Royal Australian Air Force as part of their Gap Year scheme.
It was a year of the highest highs and lowest lows. I've never experienced or heard of what I went through.
Learnt to fire an F88 steyr, got steyr eye, leopard crawled, bruises everywhere, camouflage paint everywhere, met some amazing people that will be friends for life.

We were put through situations so intense and stressful, we were basically brainwashed into thinking that our ironing, sewing, marching, determination was our life - there was nothing else. So the people around me became my family, no matter how long we spend apart we will be able to slip back to "how it was". I miss them terribly.

All in all. Fantastic year.

What does 2010 hold for me?
Backpacking through Europe with one of my best friends, since 12 years old. We're booking a flight to London and that's pretty much it. Go from there. I am beyond excited.

Random Info:
I love the Dixie Chicks.

love love love and peace xx