I am a girl

I am a girl that still remembers the night when you said goodnight and kissed me, pulled me over to a chair, kissed me some more and picked me up and laid me down, so gently. I am the girl that has never felt more secure or loved than at that moment.

I am a girl that over analyses every single thing that you say to me, I am a girl that reads far too much into your text messages, I am a girl that remembers every single time you touched me, I am a girl that loves it when you called me muppet and sexy legs, I am the girl that knows you don't love me but can't help but hope, I am a girl that knows I am only hurting myself.

Plain and simple: I am a girl.
All girls do this. Why? We know he doesn't love us, but we keep on pushing our thoughts, convincing ourselves that when he said "Goodnight sexy legs", what he really mean was "Goodnight, I love you, I think you're beautiful, I want to marry you, I would drop everything for you, I am nothing with out you!!"

I KNOW ALL OF THIS!! BUT I CONTINUE TO LIE TO MYSELF!!

...but I can't help it because when you find that ever illusive LOVE - it's amazing, spectacular, you feel on top of the world and think that SOMEHOW there aren't enough love songs or a word adequate enough to describe love.

So keep on loving like you've never been hurt, because as many times as I've fallen, all the stitches that still haven't been healed...it was worth it. When he told me he loved me - my heart exploded.

love really does lift us up where we belong.

FUN IS NOT OVER RATED

Hey boys and girls!

I have booked and paid for my flights to LONDON TOWN!! Ya ya ya ya ya!!
Faaah-reaking out about the money sitch. But as someone pointed out to me today - noodles and water. I could live on that shit :)

So what's been going on?
Well I'm working every day this week except thursday. And my goals for this week are to send off my visa application andd chat with bruce and meet ben again and not wrecklessly spend the moolah! We'll see how it goes.

So the weekend just past was ANZAC weekend and my lovely friend Annie's birthday.
I suprised Annie with a friend of hers on friday (this involved waking up ridonkulously early friday morning and picking her up from the airport) there was lots of smiles and screaming when the suprise turned up to Annie's house. Worked friday night, saturday morning, had Annie's party saturday night. Which my beautiful friends Amy & Jackie braved! The party was hectic. We had drug dealers next door, lost girls, chickens on heads, gap years everywhere, a girl wore the same dress as me (I told anyone that would listen..or stand relatively near me to punch her in the head if they saw her), girls spilling jungle juice all over the kitchen floor, more gappies and finally SLEEP!! Sunday was ANZAC day...basically an excuse for everyone, particuarly the service men and women of australia, to get wasted. I spent it with my gappies and had a ball. Hooked up with three guys. One was caaaaa-yute!! Another is just plain vague and the third....was a freakishly tall stalker who kept lifting my dress up. Obviously as the night wore on my choices were swayed by alcohol. And then I had to work monday morning...two words: HUNG OVER!!



So a riduclous weekend was had by all. And next monday I start my new position at Video Ezy of Manager. Scary. But lots of hours and lots of money - so yay. And I get to boss people around :)

So adios amigos.
Work time for me
:)

Where ever you are is where I will go

So a while ago, whilst going through my phone. I found a saved message, that I hadn't written or recalled receiving. It read:

I love you and you will not ever know how much or who said this

It was written sometime in early '09 and it warms my heart. I have no idea who wrote it, but I like imagining different people. Maybe it's someone I'll never be able to guess. There's a part of me that wants to know who wrote it...but why spoil the fantasy?

Oh.My.Blog.

I need someone to slap me.
I just read through some previous blogs of mine....yuck! Seriously.
I'm going to talk about myself in third person for a while.

She's such a loser, get over the fact that you're not having sex on a weekly (or monthly) basis right now! Seriously, BE HAPPY you're going to Europe in less than 10 weeks, you have friends that are the bom-diggity and you live in a beautiful state. (I won't say city...because well...you know)

Back to first person.
I, Brodie Lewis blogger of Notorious for Nothing, solemnly swear (that I'm up to no good) that I will refrain from painfully blogging about my lack of love/sex life........unless it's something blog worthy.

It's the best I can do!

Can I take a ride on your disco stick?

HELLO! (hey joe wanna give it a go?)
today has been a day of pure nothingness.
I blame it on the weather man. However I like days like today. Raining on and off. Cool enough to stay wrapped up in a blanket. Watch movies. Like I said, pure nothingness.
A day I would, if I could, spend with a lover.

I'm so intent on having a lover.
(I love saying the word lover)
It's so good to have someone there. To cuddle, to kiss, to spoon, to laugh with, flirt with, to play hide the sausage haha. Sorry...but seriously. On a day like this what would be better than doing all of those things? On what days is there something better?

Don't read this and think I'm unable to function without a LOVER. I'm far from the girl that has been sexually active since 15 and had a boyfriend since 12 and a half. (it's admirable that my imaginary girl stayed strong till 15!) I've never had a boyfriend. Just been used and abused. It's my fault really. I let it happen but I too have used and abused...

Ugh. And I hate that I'm thinking like this! It's so depressing and needy, everything I dislike. But that's how it is, that's how I feel. Yeah I am able to function without a LOVER, because I have my insanely, infinitely (can't think of another I adjective) friends.

So goodbye, I've had enough of my LOVER ramblings and I'm sure you had enough at hello.

goodbye my LOVER
haha. lover.

Sooner or later in life, the things you love you loose

WARNING: This Blog Is Going To Be Full Of Crazy Words And Silly Phrases That (in your mind) Do Not Relate...But In Mine They Do.



my heart beats for these people like no other.

exceptions: the quack pack and the fam.
I'm not sure what brought this on, maybe chatting with a relucatant J and raaf bratz T and E last night about raafies. Seeing the raafies marching in the ipshit parade today. Maybe ANZAC day next week. Drinking goon with AT? But I miss it dearly. SO much.

I don't know if I miss the RAAF or my gap year in the RAAF? If I joined would I enjoy it?

I experienced a lot of firsts last year. First time a boy told me he loved me. That was big..for me. I now realise he only told me he loved me so that he could make himself feel better about what he was doing. Fucking me..emotionally and physically.
He was...(and as hard to admitt as it is....still is) a cool guy.




I miss lots of stuff about last year. I don't miss the uni-sex showers and toilets. I do miss the many themed parties, late night chat sessions when we were meant to be studying. Marching around an empty raaf base at 11pm at night not being able to understand the comands of a silly sergeant because someone left a door open. Room inspections. Being threatened to have a new arse hole ripped. Mind games. I miss it a heck of a lot. I miss the people.

But I'm glad to be home. I missed the people that got me through the terrors of highschool. I love just being with them.

What lies ahead for me?
hopefully happiness. Love would be good. But I get enough of that from my friends.....(just not THAT type of love)
Who knows maybe I will cross paths with someone and instead of falling alone, we'll fall together and die madly in love!
..here's to wishful thinking.

everything little thing is going to be allright

For me easter was different this year.
My entire family went to our p-ville unit for the Easter long weekend. I worked Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. It was a little bit fmlish. But then after work on sunday picked up Jackie from Teagans and then Amy from Amy's. Got ready for a night out and drove to the city, intending on having a easter sunday sesh at The Fox.
On the way there, we got lost in the big bad city of brisbane. The actual CBD. It was a little bit scary, very stressful but in the end a lot of fun. Almost hit a taxi and avoided a stupid limo who decided to drive out in front of me! Success!!

So we got to the fox...only to find the line was MASSIVE and find out that it wasn't that crash hot inside. So, to REGATTA we went.

FLASH OF GENIUS!! SIZZLERS! We had a mini feast there and then off to the RE for us. Where we danced with tall guys, chased pool balls and just had a chilled time. We drove home singing our lungs out.

Then on monday I went to Jackies house and practised making mocktails. Her daddio is having a massive 60th bash....and I'm "resident mixologist" This title excites me greatly!!

And then off to work monday night. Today is my day off. Yay!
So all in all it was a fantastic long weekend!!

Blog ya'll later :)

do one thing everyday that scares you.

are we free? or have our lives already been planned for us. What seems like free will is subconcious destiny? Or in writing this rubbish...am I fufilling what has already been written? ...maybe the fact that I'm acknowledging that...means it's my own free will? I like to think that I make my own luck, make and break my own rules. This is stupid I don't think we'll ever know..or I'll ever know. Not even when we die.
Which leaves me wondering WHY? I hate the word why. Why don't you love me? Why is the sky blue? Why can't I be free? Why are you white?
(oh my god karen you can't just ask someone why they're white!)
I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I have amazing friends...all over australia. As much as I love them and even though they are infitely special to me and without just one of them my life would be so much different, I still need that one other person. You know the other person. That one who is physically there... wink wink.
I want some lovin'.
No not just loving.

All we want is to love and be loved in return.